So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
