Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
