Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
