a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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