Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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