Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
