Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
