you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
