I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
