Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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