Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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