i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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