i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
