I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
