mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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