do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
