He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
