At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
