His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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