I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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