The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
