...so i touched it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
