...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
