I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
