y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
