i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
PANTIES FOUND
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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