Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
