shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
