apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
