Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
