I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
