yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i dont even know how to be here
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
