My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
