I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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