If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
