Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
