Will you blow on my dice?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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