if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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