I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
