Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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