Pants 0. Shit 1.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
