Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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