I feel like I'm in dance class right now
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
