I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
