You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
