mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
