My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
