Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
