ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
