Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
