I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
