I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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