I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
