Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
